{"id":2930,"date":"2024-03-30T04:00:39","date_gmt":"2024-03-30T04:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.todayatthelakeblog.com\/?p=2930"},"modified":"2024-03-30T04:00:39","modified_gmt":"2024-03-30T04:00:39","slug":"just-keep-trying","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/todayatthelake.blog\/?p=2930","title":{"rendered":"Just Keep Trying"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

March 29 Friday<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wind<\/strong>:from NW 6.6 m\/sec (15 mph); Air Temperature<\/strong>:1.3 \u00b0C (52 \u00b0F); Water Temperature<\/strong>:10.42 \u00b0C (51 \u00b0F)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today at the lake it was sunny, and I felt hopeful as I approached the beach because it seemed almost like a Spring day.<\/p>\n\n\n

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I started off swimming south toward the boat launch. I tried swimming crawl, but I had to switch to breast stroke. I\u2019m so out of swimming shape after taking off a few weeks. I\u2019m also so exhausted from all the stress with my family and my financial & housing situation now that I just don\u2019t have anything in the tank.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The water started of fairly flat, but it there were lots of wakes from boats. A huge, flat hauler type of boat and a few small white boats. There was a huge group of black birds sitting together in the deep water. Maybe they are a type of duck. I should find out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I swam through a sunbeam tunnel and took the opportunity to greet my peeps, \u201cT, A, R, H, E.\u201d Then I kept going, \u201cME, TW, SC, SP, MZ, \u2026\u201d Hello to all I have known, even if I didn\u2019t know you well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was really winded, so I took a break and floated on my back for a bit. I could see a squiggly thing – in or on my eye? – and it was weirding me out. I turned around and swam breast stroke toward the cement dock. <\/p>\n\n\n

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The water was hazy again, so I couldn\u2019t see the bottom. I was so tired that I had to stop several times to breathe, float, tread water. I love how I can float in the water, even when I\u2019m in a vertical position. Neoprene!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I finally reached the cement dock, and swam crawl around it. Then I swam south but ended up east. I try not to go in the really deep water when I swim alone, but I also love being there. I rested my head against my tow floaty, and try to relax. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every minute of today\u2019s swim felt like I was working against a glob of molasses. It\u2019s crazy how fragile my health is. Just when I feel like I\u2019m in a better place, the rug gets pulled out from under me. This all-consuming stress has left me in a much deeper, more disorienting level of intense fatigue. It doesn\u2019t let up. I feel unsafe driving, but the lake is so close that I have to risk it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The water usually washes away my stress quickly, but now I\u2019m in a much deeper stress place. I think my PTSD is fully triggered and working on me internally. Even when I\u2019m not thinking about it I\u2019m absolutely exhausted adn constantly check to make sure I unclench my jaw. I don\u2019t want to grind my teeth down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seems better to have swims that feel too hard and don\u2019t fully relax me than to stay in bed, which is what I did yesterday. I need to follow the advice I\u2019d give a friend: just hang in and try to exercise and maybe realize I have to do less right now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still don’t know how I\u2019m gonna get out of this mess, but I know what makes me happy. And I want to pursue the things that make me happy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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